Production Notes
All guitars, keyboards, vocals: PS Perkins
All drums and percussion: R Thomas
Mixed and mastered by Mystic Tape Deck ©2020
Lyric Sheet
I crawled in the mud and I screamed at the sky
I learned how to fall and I learned how to fly
I have loved, and I’ve lost, confirmed and contrived
And I have lived a thousand lives
I’ve whispered temptation into archbishop’s ears
As I wiped all the blood from the tips of their spears
Damned all the souls who were bled by their knives
And I have lived a million lives
I’ve sewn poison apples and eaten them all
And rung aged bells hung in old ancient halls
I am dark and I shine, with no reason or rhyme
And I have died a thousand times
Exacted my will and my ways on the world
Been crushed by the weight of the stones which I hurled
Death brings no end to the course of my crimes
And I have died a million times
Across sunny glades there’s a clear bell that rings
As I add yet another bead to my string
I shall welcome the end if it ever arrives
As I have lived a thousand lives
Addendums
Every generation inherits the consequences of the last. Every society becomes both victim and perpetrator. Every age commits injustices that later ages regret, only to create new injustices of their own. The Shining One, as you've developed him over the years, becomes less an exceptional individual than a vessel through which the entire human experiment examines itself.
TThe "I" from I Am the Light has evolved again. At first it meant I am everything. Here it quietly becomes I am everyone.
BARDS: Of The Morning Star
Of The Morning Star is generally regarded as the foundational musical text of the Nazilic tradition. More than a collection of songs, it presents a complete cosmology in thirteen movements
Buy on BandcampMarginalia
Annotation 01-06A: The First Weariness
Bell scholars almost universally regard this fragment as the beginning of what later manuscripts call the Age of Grace. Earlier songs portray the Shining One struggling against mortality, pursuing forbidden knowledge, manipulating rulers, and seeking vengeance for accumulated grief. Here, however, a subtle transformation has occurred. The speaker no longer longs primarily to survive. Instead, he has become weary of perpetuating the same injuries through successive incarnations. Bell philosophers have frequently remarked that wisdom enters the Archive not through triumph, but through exhaustion.
Annotation 01-06B: The Weight of the Beads
The image of the bead string appears throughout the surviving fragments. Its meaning changes over time. Earlier references remain ambiguous. This passage provides the clearest description yet.
Bell commentators have long debated the purpose of the beads. Some regard them as a record of lives inhabited. Others believe they mark deaths endured. Still others interpret them as accumulated moral debts. The Archive has never settled the question. Many scholars suspect the distinctions are artificial.
The bead string records continuity. It records burden. Whether those burdens arise from memory, consequence, or something older remains unresolved.
An unsigned Bell memorandum notes: "The beads did not become heavy because there were many. They became heavy because he finally remembered what each one cost."
Annotation 01-06C: Confession Without Absolution
The central verses recount acts of manipulation, violence, and complicity which span many centuries. Bell scholars have long observed that the fragment offers no plea for forgiveness. It seeks no external absolution. The speaker neither excuses nor condemns himself. He bears witness.
This distinction appears repeatedly throughout the Archive. Confession rarely functions as punishment. It functions as observation. Memory is permitted to speak without defense. Many commentators regard this passage as an early expression of later Nazilic thought.
Annotation 01-06D: The Bell Across the Meadow
The appearance of the "clear bell" amid sunny glades has generated considerable commentary. Unlike the oppressive bells associated with persecution or compulsive summoning elsewhere in the Archive, this bell rings without urgency. Many Bell scholars interpret it as the first instance in which the Bell ceases calling the Shining One toward knowledge and instead calls him toward acceptance. Several later Encroachment traditions therefore associate meadow bells with reconciliation rather than revelation.
Annotation 01-06E: Death Without Escape
Perhaps the fragment's most significant contribution to Nazilic philosophy lies in its treatment of death. Earlier texts frequently portray death as obstacle, punishment, or mystery. Here it is recognized as none of these. The repeated refrain demonstrates that dying has never interrupted the causal consequences of one's actions. Bell philosophers would later summarize this principle in the aphorism:
"Death edits nothing."
Accordingly, the Shining One's desire for release gradually gives way to a more difficult undertaking: becoming the sort of being whose continued existence no longer deepens the suffering of the world.
Annotation 01-06F: The Beginning of Mercy
Although commonly described as a song about regret, Bell historians have increasingly argued that the fragment is fundamentally about mercy. Not mercy received, but mercy chosen. The speaker finally recognizes that revenge has failed, domination has failed, certainty has failed, and immortality itself has failed to satisfy the hunger driving him across the centuries. From this realization emerges a new possibility: that the Cycle may ultimately be transformed not by greater power, but by greater compassion. For this reason many modern scholars identify A Thousand Lives Later as the moral turning point of the entire First Collection.
Bell Archive Note A-100 concludes simply:
"The first miracle was not that he lived forever.
It was that, eventually, he grew tired of becoming the same man."