The first recording in the Ashland Chronicles, designated Side A, appears to document a gathering in which the participants are led through a ceremonial exercise involving the consumption of “slug milk.” The recording begins in the deliberately irreverent manner characteristic of certain later Nazilic instructional materials, presenting the substance as an object of practical inquiry before recounting its supposed discovery by Arkin Mandelbrojt Bell in seventeenth-century Africa. The milk is described as inducing a temporary condition of “desirable gullibility”—a suspension of cynicism and doubt intended to restore curiosity, awe, and receptivity. The participants are then instructed to drink the substance and prepare themselves for meditation.

What follows is considerably stranger. Through breathing exercises and progressive relaxation, the speaker guides the participants toward a dissolution of the boundaries between body and environment. The meditator becomes particulate matter, scatters into the surrounding air, and encounters a field of luminous fragments. From this light emerges a child wearing a brilliant azure cloak and carrying a small green book marked with an ancient symbol. When the cloak opens, the meditator is engulfed by a light in which the distinction between self and world disappears. Upon returning, the participant retains only fragments of the vision: the child, the book, the word BARDS, and an indistinct association with a revolution.

The recording concludes by deliberately collapsing the distinction between revelation and advertisement. The experience is presented as having planted a “seed” within the participant, one which must be nurtured through a return to the other world. The narrator then directs the listener toward the Mystic Tape Deck and its associated materials, describing books and other objects as “enchanted tools” capable of facilitating further journeys. The final appeal to purchase salvation for twenty-five dollars is sufficiently crude that it may be understood either as deliberate parody or as evidence of the peculiar circumstances under which the recording was made. The significance of the azure child, the green book, and the appearance of the word BARDS remains unresolved. Whether these images were deliberately introduced into the meditation, emerged spontaneously among participants, or refer to something known to the Ashland Encroachment is presently unknown.

Transcription follows:

Warmest greetings to you, and welcome to Mystic Tape Deck’s “relax your sphincter muscles and try not to be such a grouchy turd” master class.

In today’s episode, we are going to talk a little bit about slug milk, answering some of your most common questions, such as:

What is it?

What does it do?

Does it taste gross?

How do I use it properly?

After that we are going to do a little exercise and then finish with a little guided meditation, ok?   

For your safety and the safety of those around you, please remember to refrain from operating a motor vehicle or other heavy machinery for at least ten minutes after finishing the meditation.

(intro music  ends)

OK well, as I said, welcome. Whether you are already familiar with slug milk, or whether you are hearing about it just now for the first time – you undoubtedly have a few questions. You may be thinking to yourself “Slug Milk? What the heck is THAT?” (canned laughter)

In the mid 17th century, there was an explorer named Arkin Mandelbrojt Bell, and he was searching for the fountain of youth in Africa. When he was not off exploring some of the most remote parts of the world, Bell was a professor of cartography and advanced anthropological studies at Imperial University of Constantinople. In one of his many expeditions into the central African continent, Bell discovered a rare species of snail, of which he harvested several specimens and was able to breed them in captivity. Once their population had stabilized enough in his laboratory, Bell proceeded to experiment with extracting the secretions of this snail which were triggered by certain specific oscillations of sound waves. Bell found that certain frequencies of vibration caused the slugs to produce the milk, with subtle variations in potency achievable according to the frequency used to stimulate their milk production.

So what does it do, exactly? Is it safe?

Consuming the milky substance gives the person ingesting it a certain clarity of mind, described as “a most desirable gullibility” which temporarily relieves the mind of cynicism and doubt. The person feels extremely curious, experiences moments of profound bliss and awe, and a temporary willingness to believe just about anything they are told.

The effects of the milk are prized among Nazilic scholars and Monks, who value it for its abilities to induce awe and wonder during ceremonial rituals and certain meditative activities associated with the daily functions of the participants.

While Slug milk has been approved by the Food and Drug administration for commercial production and distribution, it has never reached any kind of mainstream appeal making it possible or profitable to occupy a typical grocer’s shelves. It is available mostly through mail order, though if there is a Nazilic Encroachment in your neighborhood, the corner bodega may stock limited quantities.

Most who drink the milk say it has an acquired taste, though it vaguely tastes a little like sweet, salted buttery popcorn, with a texture and consistency of a thick buttermilk.

So today, you each have a small carton of Thune Farms original extra virgin cold pressed slug milk, extracted at 432Hz. We are going to carefully open our cartons and drink the entire contents, and best if you do it in one go. Open the carton, throw your head back and just…chug it down. There, we go. Yeah…a little nasty at first, but wait for it…wait for it. Yes, there it is.

Most of you should be feeling a little bit of a warm sensation creeping up your spine, into your head, Colors should begin to get brighter, more saturated, more vivid. In fact, the air itself seems to take on a certain quality you had never noticed before – it feels almost – thicker. As smells enter your olfactory senses, you may feel you are smelling things for the first time, noticing certain complexities you had never guessed were there. Even the little bit of sunlight seeping through the narrow cracks in the window shades seems to have a more golden glow to it.

For today’s exercise, I want you to just lay back and get comfortable. Close your eyes if you’d like, or leave them open and pick a spot on the ceiling where you can fix your gaze. I am going to take you through a little guided meditation today. You may at some point feel as though you are leaving your body, but don’t panic. The feeling is temporary while you find yourself moving through various states of dissociation. For the purpose of today’s journey, we ask that you trust your guide, trust your mind, and trust that this experience is going to help you feel as though you have been reborn, with a new purpose and connection to the world around you.

First, I am going to ask you to feel free to remove any articles of clothing which may be restrictive or uncomfortable. Belts, jackets, shoes…let’s take them off and loosen up a little.

Let’s just stand up for a moment and shake out your limbs, just limber up a little bit and see if we can jar loose some of that surface tension we all carry around with us without even realizing it’s there.

Great.

Now, let’s find a nice place to gently lay your head back and rest. 

Everyone settled in? OK, good.

We will start by taking a few deep breaths slowly now, as I count. 

Breathing in...2….3…4…aaaaannnnnd….out…2...3…4.

You can feel your body relaxing, all of the tension is melting away from you, like you had been dipped into a wax which coated your whole body, and now it is melting away. You begin to feel lighter.

Still breathing. In….2…3…4. And out…2…3…4. Yes, that’s good.

As we begin shutting our bodies down for a rest, the mind suddenly finds itself without something to do, so it begins to produce a kind of chatter. Many thoughts race to the surface and demand your attention, but I want you to pretend you are invisible to them, that somewhere between their origin and your conscious mind, they come untethered as a balloon, floating away gently in the warm and gentle breeze. Just…floating...away. One after another. Yes, that’s it. Just open the sunroof of your mind and let them all just…float away...floating away…floating away.

As you become more and more relaxed, the sound of my voice seems to get further away from you, and yet it is all around you, yet you can’t tell where it is coming from. It has no single point of origin…it is just part of the air. You feel your body getting lighter and lighter…as though all of those thought balloons now floating away from you, had been weighing you down before. Now you feel light and free and unencumbered.

Breathing…..in………..2……3…..4……

Aaaaandddd…..out…….2…….3……..

Your cells are loosening, every single atomic particle in your body is moving a little further apart, as your physical form grows less dense, less compacted, your particles intermingling with the particles around them, the borders of what constitute “you” within your mind are blurring more and more and you slip deeper and deeper into a state of relaxation, becoming one with everything around you. We arise from the dust and to dust we return, and in between, we are dust. Scatter yourself to the breeze now.

The light flickers like an old neon sign in the haze, as tiny tiger moths tilt and dart. Zooming in, the tiger moths are particles - a million billion tiny sparks of light dancing and refracting as if in a labyrinth of fun house mirrors. The light is warm and welcoming, and gently kisses your skin, sending shivering vibrations which echo through you.

Still breathing….deeply….slowly….

Your particles are gathered into ever more complex patterns and mandalas, swirling and hovering. You look around you, and notice a figure in the distance, as though seen through a mist or a fog. It is coming closer. “There is no need to be afraid,” the figure whispers, and you realize it is a child...the face of innocence peering up at you from beneath a cloak of brilliant azure.

The child raises their hands as though cupping water, and gently nestled in their palms is a small book. It is a deep green with ancient gold lettering….and a symbol you somehow...recognize. 

As you grasp at the book, the child’s cloak parts and opens, and a bright all-encompassing light spills out. It permeates everything, you can feel the light going right through you….becoming you...and you cease to be you….and everything is just and  right and beautiful in the universe. 

It all suddenly has meaning, and yet means nothing, the meaning is simply...relieved of the need to be. You are feeling overwhelmed by the sheer beauty of it all, just as the light slowly begins to fade. You feel yourself returning to reality.

Breathing….you can feel yourself breathing again. 

The air molecules merging through your alveoli into your bloodstream, attaching to the red blood cells, and the blue is becoming a vibrant crimson, rushing through your body and replenishing your every cell. Each one now carrying the special cryptic code - a map to help you return.

And we’re going to begin  counting back from ten, and with each interval you will feel yourself emerging from your meditative state, as though you are floating up a staircase.

10

9

8

as you float up the stairs, your feet once again make gentle contact with the ground.

7

6

5

you are still feeling a little weightless as you regain your balance and your surroundings begin to once again take on their recognizable forms. The sounds from the room around you begin to be perceptible, and you allow them to enter your consciousness as you continue to solidify into your physical body again.

4

3

2

Now, slowly wiggle your fingers, and wiggle your toes. 

Yes. 

Very good.

Your corporeal form has returned. All of its pieces are once again collected. You notice a tingling through your body, you somehow feel...lighter. As though a weight has been lifted off of you and somehow...left behind in that mystical realm of dreams.

and…. one.

Opening your eyes now, slowly. You notice you are feeling wonderful. The experience has had a profound effect upon your mind. You feel less cynical, less critical, less inhibited. Yet a part of you feels as though a seed has been planted in another world. A world you must get back to, for the seed needs tending. It needs the warmth of your love to blossom and flower. 

You can’t seem to get the image of the child in the azure cloak out of your mind, or the strange little book the child was trying to show you. You can only recall the faintest memory of the letters on the cover. They seemed to pulse with a dull and ancient glow, it said across the top “BARDS.” And that symbol! It was one you recognize yet can’t quite recall in detail. And something about a revolution?

In the coming days, you may receive a message from this other world. It will be time to once again make the journey beyond the veil, inside the cloak of the light, where you can be near to the seed planted inside you, even now growing and maturing.

We have created some enchanted tools to assist you in your journey, and the good news is, these tools are readily available. Just go to your computer, gaze deeply into the magic rectangle, and type mystictapedeck.bandcamp.com into the address bar and further instructions will follow. The power is within you, The power of love and the power of knowledge. And knowing that love and knowledge is reciprocal and returned to you,million fold. 

The price of your salvation? A mere $25.

“Find Mystic Tape Deck on your favorite social media magic rectangle and follow them for more updates! The new book is coming soon and supplies are limited so have those wallets ready so we can ship salvation to your door where you can enjoy it in the comfort of your dwelling, and return to that magical world of light and dancing moths any time you choose.”